Let's start with Tuesday though, which wasn't amazingly bad at least. My lesson with Bronek was pretty uneventful, as I missed two trains, meaning I got there late, which meant that I didn't have that much time in the lesson and any work that needed to be done, I had done within about five minutes. That work consisted of drawing six boxes on a page in Word. How exciting.
This lesson was our introduction to DV cameras, as part of this course deals with moving image, as well as stuff like making graphics on computer. The cameras are apparantly brand new so while everyone was working away on doing stupid boxes and research, I took the opportunity to play with the camera. The fact that Bronek allowed me to do so without the same kind of caution he shows when anyone else messes around with technology makes me feel respected by him, as he knows that I'm not about to break anything.
For most of the lesson, it was simply Bronek talking and talking. It wasn't very interesting stuff either, just a basic introduction of how to use a camera and the different shot sizes that can be used.
There was a part of his little talk where he was talking about how the eye works and how we don't see our eyes panning to another place as you do with a camera. He then done one of the most patronising things he's done so far and told the class to look at the things he was pointing at. "Look at that poster", he said, so everyone looked. "Now look at the light", he said, so everyone looked. This was to help his point about the eye/camera thing but how bloody patronising can you get, telling people to do that?
I sat there, resting my head on my hand looking at him half anonyed, half bored. My eyes didn't move from him talking as he told everyone to look at the objects he was pointing to. "Neil, look at the light!", he said, almost desperately. I simply stared at him. "Neil, look at the light?", he said again, and again, I did not. He quickly moved on to the next part of his talk.
There's simply no need to patronise the class like that. Most of the people in there are mature and intelligent enough to work out what he was talking about without the use of that stupid example. There are other times he's patronised everyone like that as well, but this is most definitely the best example yet.
Another thing that annoyed me about him was the fact that while he was talking, I was reading up on the Biennial events which he was talking about, along with stuff about the slave trade, which was a big part of Liverpool a while ago. While reading, and listening to him at the same time (and he wasn't saying anything I didn't already know), he saw that I was reading stuff on the computer and asked if I could switch my monitor off. That fucking pissed me off. I was doing USEFUL stuff. Him talking about boring crap was not useful. My god he can be so damn annoying.
Towards the last 15 minutes or so, he let everyone use the camera to film 15 seconds of 5 different shot sizes. Surprisingly, there were a few who didn't seem to know where or what the zoom button was on a camera. That was worrying.
Raymond was the last person to film the shot sizes besides me. Seemed that I was his subject, as everyone else besides me and Bronek had left so I sat there as patiently as I could while he filmed me. Bronek said that I didn't have to because he was sure I knew how to do what he was asking.
Finally, Raymond was done with his filming and after I made a quick exit, I offered to help some old woman find a computer to work on for a magazine cover. She called me a very nice boy, it felt nice to be appreciated and nice to help her out.
I had already decided that I wasn't going to Tony's lesson in the afternoon because all he does is do tutorials. That is to say, he teaches the class how to use Photoshop. I know how to do that already, so I'm just sitting there bored out of my mind for three hours. Not today though, as I decided against it and instead, took the time go buy Hana a birthday card, but not before I spent my lunch with Jamie, Fisher and Mike. It was a good lunch and there was a lot of laughing and joking and talking.
We talked till 1:20pm and then they had to go to lesson at 1:30pm so I said goodbye. On the way out of college, Tony was standing by the photocopier. I saw him before he seen me and for a second, I thought about quickly turning and going the way I'd just come from to avoid him asking me why I wasn't in lesson, but it was too late. He saw me and he asked why I wasn't in lesson. I said I wasn't feeling well and made my escape before he could ask more questions.
Bought Hana's card, wrote it out, posted it, went home.
Yesterday was an average Wednesday, except for the fact that average my phone's battery died, and I tried to charge it, it still wouldn't switch on. I tried for 15 minutes to get it to come on, but nothing. My fucking phone is broken. It won't switch on at all. This annoyed the hell out of me, as although I've only had a mobile for about 8 months now, it's become part of my pocket inventory and without it, I feel there's something missing.
I put my SIM card in my Mum's phone to check my messages and there was one off Hana, thanking me for the card. Aside from that though, I now have no phone, which is just annoying.
And today carried on this season of Let's Make Neil Pissed Off.
Over the past six months and even longer, whenever I walk for more than ten minutes or so, I get a very strong burning sensation in both my calves making it almost impossible to walk. Imagine someone putting a lighter next to each of your calves, only inside them. That's how it feels. I can't even walk to college without it hurting. Not only is it painful, but it's embarassing as well, when I can't keep up with my friends when we're walking somewhere and I have to tell them to slow down.
It hasn't bothered me to the point where I feel I need to do something about it though, because the only real long walk I do is to college and my legs only begin to hurt when I'm about five minutes away from being able to sit down. However, that changed today and it made me act.
Today, I had to go the Tate, which is about a 15-20 minute walk from the station. No big deal. I first went to Sayers for my breakfast, which is about 60 seconds from the station. Even as I walked there, I could feel the burning sensation in my calves. Since I was about to sit down in the cafe though, I didn't take any notice of it.
After eating, I began my walk to the Tate. After about 10 minutes of walking, however, I began to get the same burning feeling and it was so painful that I knew I couldn't carry on walking. I had to actually rest in a bus station, just so I could continue walking. I was already late by this point as well, but the lateness wasn't on my mind, just the pain in my calves.
After a five minute rest, I continued, but within another five minutes, the pain was back and I was limping. I was almost on the verge of tears because not only was it painful, but I really wanted to go to the Tate. Not only that, but I simply wanted to make it to where I was going. I couldn't though. I stood there next to the road I had to cross and about three minutes from the Tate and felt so fucking frustrated and angry at myself that I couldn't go that little bit further, because I had already gone that little bit further.
I turned back and could feel the frustration and the tears behind my eyes, but it was only brief, as my mind then focused on simply getting back to the train station to go home. Again, I had to stop at the bus station, this time resting longer, before carrying on.
Of note is the fact that there was a two minutes silence at 12pm for rememberance day. I found the fact that even though there was an annoucement telling the people in the station this, that when he came on again to say the two minutes had started, no one really stopped what they were doing. I certainly didn't either. As I began walking back, I noticed that a bank full of people were standing still and there were three people outside, also standing still. It was a surreal sight. Aside from that though, everywhere in town seemed to be as busy as usual. No one was stopping.
I caught the train home and my mum asked why I was back so early and I told her. I had decided that I would go the doctors, as I couldn't put up with this no more. She said that they were open from 4pm so I waited until then to go.
I have never come out of a doctor's surgery so fucking frustrated and confused.
I waited for my turn to see him. His name is Dr. Thong. He's Chinese. I've never met him before, as I only recently signed on to his practice. I went in and said hi and was friendly towards him.
I sat down and told him my problem. He asked to see where it was hurting, but I explained to him that there was nothing there because it was an internal problem. He then asked me lots of questions such as do I smoke, am I otherwise healthy, have I been on any planes recently, and other such questions. He then typed all of the things it that weren't the cause of my problem into his computer and then said "Ok".
Ok? WHAT?
He typed everything in and then said OK, as if to say "You can go now, I've helped you". I sat there confused for a moment.
"So..what now?", I asked him.
"Well now we see. I've written it all down so now we'll see what happens."
Again, confused, I persisted.
"But I've already had this problem for at least six months. I can't walk properly."
"Well...what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know? I just know I'd like to be able to walk properly?"
"Well I've entered all your details in the computer. What more can I do?"
"But I need something. Something to help me"
He sat there, with his arms open, saying "What do you want me to do?".
I sat there for a few minutes, feeling very frustrated, arguing with him over the fact that it hurt, I needed help and yet he wasn't doing anything.
In the end, he said that he'd send me for a blood test but "you know and I know that it will come back normal", he said and then kind of shunned me and off I went home. How helpful is that?
So, I'm no nearer to getting this sorted out because of a very unhelpful doctor. You'd think he could do something like refer me to someone who might be able to help me at least, but no.
What a bad fucking three days.
