After that she wanted to go to Virgin, then Boots, then I finally went to Rennies to get the paper I've needed. She then showed me an art shop I never knew existed, which is slightly cheaper than Rennies. Always good.
I did really want her to come to mine this week from Wednesday onwards, since the house will be empty till Friday, as my mum will be in hospital and Laura will be at work. However, she's a very busy girl and she can't get time to come which i'm really disappointed about.
Kissed her goodbye at the station and waved her goodbye.
Sitting here earlier on, I began thinking about my birthday, which is in just 8 days. I was thinking how it's going to be like every other birthday I've had in the last five years. Me. Here. Alone. That's how I've 'celebrated' my birthdays. Every year it makes me very depressed that I have no one to celebrate it with.
I was talking to Hana about it. She said I should ask my friends from college and I had thought about that, but I still couldn't think what we'd actually do. But, I was/am determined that this year will NOT be fucking spent in this room on my 20th birthday. No.
I'm sure pretty much everyone wouldn't of even known it was my birthday if I hadn't of written it here or told whoever about it.
I began talking to Dave online about my birthday after talking to Hana about it.
We talked for a while about it. He's gonna try and work around his mum to hold it at his place, get Stan, Jamie, Fisher around, along with a few girls, few more guys. Maybe it'd turn out pretty cool. The only problem is that he sounds very unsure whether he can convince his mum. Also, i'm don't have total confidence in him, since he likes to leave things to the last minute and I don't think you can do that with a party, especially when I don't even know anyone to invite, besides my friends from college. I'd have to rely heavily on their contacts for the people. He also said that he pay for a fair amount of the drink/food, which is nice of him, but I'll gladly pay a fair amount too. Better still, I suggested that everyone pay a small amount and it should cover everything.
Of course, only me and Dave know about this party currently. I asked him to give me the other three guy's numbers and i'm debating whether to phone them tomorrow and inform them. Maybe they could offer some alternatives to holding the party at Daves, although holding it at some sort of venue would be a bit silly, since there'll only be about 15 people at most which is just about perfect I think.
I'm praying Dave comes through for me on this. I'm counting on him. I need him to make this happen. If I spend this birthday alone, it's gonna knock me back into a deep depression again for a while and I don't want that happening. 20 is a big number and I want to celebrate it accordingly.
It'd be so damn good if this works out. I don't usually get excited so much about things, because they usually end up in big disappointment, but I need this to happen, so i'm trying to be optimistic about it. I'm trying to make it happen, asking Dave to help me out with it, rather than just staying silent.
Will it be a happy birthday this year?
