On Thursday night, I got a migraine. It's amazing how sudden they come over me. Within a minute, my eyesight goes. Imagine looking directly into a torch. That's almost what it's like when my vision goes. I can see bright, flashing lights right in front of me, and the 'real world' stuff to the corners of my eye. It's horrible.
Then the sudden tiredness kicks in. This takes about 30 minutes to take effect and I suddenly feel completely drained of energy.
There are other side effects to the migraine, such as numbness and nausea, but thankfully on this occasion I didn't get them.
I went downstairs to have something to eat. I thought this may be why I got a migraine in the first place - because I hadn't eaten all day. I think it was something like 11 hours since I had last eaten. It's not unusual for me a lot of the time.
After eating, I was completely ready for bed, when just an hour ago I was ready to stay up for at least another 2 or three hours. Having said that, I was tired anyway. I fell into bed and went straight to sleep.
This morning, I woke up with a full blown migraine. My head was pounding and I felt dizzy and sick. I tried to get back to sleep but it didn't work. I contemplated taking some paracetamol for it, but it's not like they do anything at all.
I sat at the computer till around 5pm, and then decided that, even though I'd had about 10 hours sleep just hours ago, I really needed to go back to bed. I felt completely drained.
Woke up at 7pm and felt slightly better. It's now 12:17am and my head is still aching slightly, but not as much as it was. My neck is also affected by migraine and everytime I move it, it aches.
Migraines. Bad.
And now for some other news.
There is something that has been troubling me for three days now and it will only get worse until I make a decision before this Sunday. I've not written about it in my diary at all, either, because it may affect things in an adverse way. I have a decision to make and I don't know what to decide.
I've spoken to Kyla about it. She was helpful and she did make me think about it more. It's a decision based on conscience and knowing that you're doing the right thing...instead of the wrong one. But, even though I want to do the right thing, the wrong thing isn't 'technically' wrong. But, having such high morality issues, it is to me. I don't like keeping secrets. I especially don't like omitting things from my diary, since I promised myself I'd never censor this diary no matter what. But this is different. This may be one of the most important decisions I make for the near future in my eyes. And yet, it may well not have any affect on the outcome of things, no matter what I decide.
I know this won't make much sense to you, since you don't know what i'm going on about, but I can't explain. If I do, there's a chance things would change for the worse.
As I write this, I think i'm coming to my decision. A decision that I think I'd already made to begin with, when I first realised that this situation was going to be a problem. And now that I've talked to Kyla about it and thought about it more, as I write this entry, I know that I must do the right thing and hope that i'm rewarded for doing so and by not doing the 'wrong' thing, I haven't missed out on an oppurtunity that I've wanted for quite some time. You could almost say that I've needed it. But, I think that I have to put my conscience first, over my needs and desires because I know that if I don't, I'll only feel guilty and I can't stand guilty. I can't stand being dishonest, even if it's a - as Kyla put it - a lie of ommitance, rather than an outright lie.
Here's to doing the right thing...and I hope it really is the right thing.
