I walked around the house aimlessly. Laura was in bed. My mum had gone to Paul's for the night. I sat in the dark with the fire roaring. You could see the whisps of flames moving erratically as the wind blew. And in front of the fire was Oogee, curled up, just in from the cold.
I sat there for a few minutes, wondering. Wondering about everything about my life. They're not nice thoughts. Thoughts of despair. Feelings of sadness. I went outside for a few minutes in the cold and the wind and looked up at the night. It was a cloudy night so I couldn't see no stars. I then looked around at the houses surrounding me. I kept thinking about how in a few hours time, the majority of people would be with the ones they love. I wondered if any of the people in these houses were feeling as I do. Maybe they are.
I returned to my bedroom after a while, trying to find someone to talk to online for a while to keep me company. There was no one though. I guess everyone had wanted to wake up early in the morning, whereas I would be falling asleep.
I decided to try and get myself out of this pit if only for 90 minutes by watching Bruce Almighty and thankfully it was a good enough film to make me laugh. Laughs which are desperately needed.
As the credits rolled at 8:30am, my phone rang. Wrong number. Figures.
And then I stood at my window looking out. Watching the seaguls fly about in what seemed like a random pattern. Once again I thought about right now there'd be thousands of people in their living rooms, blurry eyed and tired, but in a mood other than sad, opening up presents and trying to have a nice day.
I went to bed at 10:30am, intending to sleep the day away. I didn't want to wake up while it was Christmas. It was only 10:30am and no one was up yet, but I found myself becoming increasingly depressed. Laura got up after a while and after a while longer I heard Chris arrive and I heard them laughing in the kitchen. Happy people. I drifted off to sleep.
I was woken up by Laura at 7pm. She wanted to use the computer. I sat in the living room with my mum and Paul. They seemed happy too. The kitchen was full of pans and plates from the dinner they'd eaten no doubt only an hour or two ago. They'd left me my share. I watched TV with them. I think my mum knew that I wasn't in much of a mood for Christmas. She didn't say nothing, but I could feel it. Perhaps it was my own paranoia.
And so now it's 11:05pm. My 'day' has only just begun for me. I will be going to bed once more at some point in the morning. I don't want to be awake of a day. With people. With people who are happy. Just too much.
Hope you all enjoyed Christmas.
