My excuse is that for the past three or four days I've been feeling extremely shit and when I feel extremely shit nothing matters to me. I just don't have enough energy to get up and go to college. So I didn't.
Since September, I've had 4 days off. That's not too bad, surely?
I've mostly been sitting here, as usual, contemplating the loneliness and depression I feel. Everything has slowed right down and nothing seems real right now.
Next week is half term. A week doing nothing.
For my photography lesson, our homework is to take pictures of friends and family with the focus being on framing the subject correctly. However, I don't happen to have a camera. A non-digital camera, that is. He said we could use a throw-away camera, but I don't see the point in spending money on something you're going to throw away, when you could save a lot of money by buying a decent camera. The trouble is, a decent camera is in the range of �200. According to Argos it is anyway. It looks like a nice camera. It's an 'SLR' camera which stands for Singular Reflective Lense, if I remember correctly.
My mum said she'd buy me it for Christmas, but I need it by the time I go back to college. I could still use it before Christmas though, just that when Christmas comes, I won't have anything. A bit like last year actually. I'd kind of like Christmas to be special somehow, even though my mum and even Laura don't think it is. We don't even put the tree up no more. We haven't for about four years.
The good news about the camera is that Laura said Chris has a friend who is a professional photographer and he has many cameras which he doesn't use no more and he'd be willing to sell one to me. That sounds like a good option and might save me a lot of money.
I keep looking towards Saturday for something special to happen, even though I know there is nothing. I just keep hoping that somehow, if I wish for it enough, something will happen. There was something happening this Saturday, but now it's not and this is partly the reason why I feel so depressed. I don't want to write about it simply because I don't write about things that don't actually happen. In a way, it makes me forget about all the disappointments in my life because they're not recorded in this diary for me to remember.
Maybe you'll reconsider your decision. Yes, you. Please?
