I'm writing this on my Psion (personal organiser).
I woke up this morning at 10am, hearing my mum and Laura getting ready to go out. I didn't really want to get up, but since I'd been sleeping for about 9 hours, my body wasn't going to sleep much more. I tried the computer again, but I still had no idea what i needed to do so after about 10 minutes, I left it.
Went and made a drink, before turning to my room. My room sounds so quiet without the computer on. I'm used to it being on all the time and without it o, it makes me feel even more alone. It's like my connection to the outside world and been severed.
My mum and Laura returned about two hours later. Laura wants her room redecorating, even though it only got done about two years ago. I've asked on many occasions when can I have mine done, since it never has been and I've haqd my bedroom now for at least 5 years. The answer I get is that it's not worth it. My mum argues that it's not worth doing because I wouldn't keep it the way it was, ie, I wouldn't keep it tidy. Probably. But it's not like Laura's room is perfect either. I just feel left out. Also, my mum complains to me that she's in debt and it's my fault that my benefits have yet to be sorted, and yet she'll pay for Laura's room to be redecorated. To me that's a contradiction.
On the topic of benefits, James rang me this morning about them. He said he'd talked to the guy at MIND and he's said that he was surprised that I hadn't heard anything from DSS. He said that he'd look into it. I've not had money now for about 5 months.
It's coming up to 3pm now. I've got nothing at all to do. For the past hour, I've just been laying on my bed, staring into space.
I asked Laura if Chris, her boyfriend is coming around tonight, since he is good with computers. She said she might be going around to his tonight instead, which means I might not have my computer fixed.
My mum said that Michael, my cousin is coming around tonight at 8pm, to pick up some documents. He too is good with computers. Perhaps he'll help me. I don't know what to do in the meantime. I mean, it's not like I can even go to town and buy something nice, since I have no money to even get there in the firsty place.
I guess I'll go back to staring into space now.
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(Written now)
Michael came around 9pm. I didn't think he was coming, since I thought he was coming at 8pm. I asked him to take a look at it and he suggested something, and it worked, so I now have my computer back. I lost a few minor things, but because I had a recent backup, I didn't lose anything major.
I went to bed last night at 11pm. The earliest I've gone to bed for a long time. I felt so shitty. A wave of depression has hit me again. I think it's here to stay for a while. I still have it. Woke up this morning at 9:30am, came online, but it was acting very slow and I found it needed a huge defragmentation. So I done that and watched TV for a bit. And a bit longer. And a bit longer. It took 5 and a half hours to complete. That's a long time without my computer damnit, when there's nothing else to do.
Mum's gone to Pauls. Laura's gone to..well, i'm not sure actually. I think she's gone to Chris'. So i'm on my own again. I don't mind being on my own much. I don't know much else.
I hope this wave of depression doesn't last long.
