You know, it hurts being rejected. Though it's been done to me many times, never does it get any easier. I can always feel that sharp pain in my heart. You know what I mean, I know you do. That pain that tells you that that other person doesn't want you like you want them. And then you think to yourself...when will the rejection end and the acceptance start? And there is no real answer. If there was, I doubt I'd be unhappy as I am. I doubt I'd be searching for love so much.

You see, it's reasons why people reject me that hurt. Not so much the rejection itself. I know that i'm a nice enough person. I've had many of the people I've liked tell me i'm 'sweet' or i'm 'cute'. Sweet, though I am, is not what I want to be thought of as by these people I may like. I want to be thought of as someone who they think can love them dearly, which I could. Though my friendship with whoever these people may be important, I would risk my friendship with them to turn it into a relationship, because I know that I can be just as good a lover, as I can be a friend, yet it seems that, if I get too close to someone, that's how I end up. A friend. A good friend, yes, but a friend nonetheless.

As I say, these friendships are appreciated and they are important to me, but the one true thing that I would so very much like is a relationship. Someone to love. Someone to love me back. I truly thought Rachel was the beginning of this, but of course, it wasn't. And again, it wasn't, not because I'm a crap person to go out with, but because someone else asked her out, leaving me as just a friend once more. It simply hurts to raise my hopes to such a point that I think that finally I can be happy, when in reality, all my friendship and care for that person, whoever it may be, is all that will ever be between us. Friendship.

It seems as if the way to get a relationship is to actually not be as open and caring about them to me, which contradicts what a relationship is about. If the care is already there before there's a relationship, does that not set a good precedent for the relationship to be healthy? If I am such a 'sweet guy', doesn't that prove I would be just as nice, if I meant more to you? I doubt I'll ever find the answer to these questions of course.

19, but still the same problems.