I got �100 out and bought two games for the PC. I also went the post office and got a passport form. All in the space of 20 minutes, because I had to be at my appointment with James.
I ended up being late by ten minutes, but he said don't worry.
I showed him the letter I recieved yesterday and he said it's completely wrong. He said that he'd ring them and express his concern over the decision. Hopefully his voice should carry some weight, I mean he's my psychologist damnit!
I also showed him my Mood Monitor.
He said that he'd make me an appointment at somewhere called MIND. Apparantly they help people deal with benefit claims.
Got home, installed one of the games I bought (Command & Conquer: Generals). Sadly, even though my computer is now twice as fast, it's still not fast enough to run this game. The resources it needs are amazingly huge.
Can't play it. Too slow. Uninstalled it.
Installed the second game (IGI2). Works ok. Still slow, but playable. I'm kind of regretting paying out �200 for something that doesn't work as well as I wanted it to. I'd rather pay �400 for something that plays my games good enough. Sadly, I can't exactly exchange the upgrades now so i'm stuck.
Moving on to today now and on the rare occasion that I decided to stay downstairs and try and 'fit in' with Laura and my mum, I found myself being pushed out again, but not by them conciously. More about their opinions on things and feeling as if I wasn't wanted.
Somehow we got onto the topic of my mum's boyfriend being a tough guy, and he is really. He used to be a boxer. Very well built. Just looking at him you'd know. My mum and Laura were talking about how if a guy in a pub was to start something with Paul that he'd hit him and they were saying that that's a good thing.
"Why's that a good thing?", I asked.
"It just is", Laura replied.
"If someone's bothering him, he's gonna hit him isn't he?", my mum added.
"I'd just walk away", I replied.
"Why should he?", my mum said, "He shouldn't have to walk away", while Laura added "You can't walk away in Liverpool".
"Yeah you can", I replied. "I mean I could of hit that guy who headbutted me but I didn't. I just don't approve of violence."
"You should of", Laura replied.
"I just think that if you hit someone, they're gonna hit back and it'll just escalate further".
"Yeah, but if he (Paul) threw him out the door he's not gonna hit back is he?"
"I wouldn't hit him back"
"the majority of people would though".
The conversation went that way for a few minutes and I found it interesting that they were pretty much condoning violence, although granted, in the context of self defence. However, as I said up there, you can always walk away, instead of hitting back.
I went into the kitchen after that to get a drink and I think they were saying stuff. I guess it's just paranoia but I thought it was about me.
That's pretty much my news for now.
