Whether it's because I've only had 3 hours sleep and been awake since 8am this morning, or whether it's because it's just a fucking bad day, I don't know, but I don't feel that good right now. At all.

Disappointment. Hurt. Jealousy. Simply lost.

Lost? How can I be lost if I don't know where i'm supposed to be?

I am lonely. And no matter what anyone says, LOVE WOULD CHANGE THIS.

Lonely.

It gets to me like you will never know. None of you know. I swear, none of you know.

The more I sit in this fucking room, the more I die. I don't want to die here. Inside myself. This is not how my life is meant to be. It's not.

I feel as if there is something wrong with me. Something wrong enough to repel people away from me. Perhaps I give off bad vibes. How so though, when all I ever want is the company that they can offer. Why does no one wish to give me it?

Go back a few months. Take Lauren for example. I tried and tried to make friends with Lauren. I made the effort to do so. I tried to initiate conversation, I sat next to her, I asked her things but she never, never, warmed to me. I could see it in the way she talked and acted. She was uncomfortable around me.

Why? What the fuck is wrong with me?

All I want to do is be loved. To feel loved. Right now I do not.

Right now, I want to shed my tears. I can't. The tears never come.

My first awake day? PRETTY FUCKING BAD.

9:37pm