And I stink of smoke.
Last night, I took a sleeping pill and it definitly worked. I then woke up around 4am and went to get a drink and back to bed. However, I found myself releasing way too methane gas. In other words, I couldn't stop farting for the life of me! lol.
I also felt like I needed a toilet really bad, but all that was coming was fart after fart and since bathrooms are rather echoey it sounded so damn loud. This continued all night, although I finally got back to sleep after a lot of gas passing.
Woke up this morning and it was still the same. It was like I was a human compressed air cylinder or something. It just kept going on and on.
So this was at 7:30am and I was feeling surreal. I didn't feel tired as such, but rather, nothing around me meant anything. It wasn't real. After 15 minutes of sitting there, naked on the edge of my bed for no real reason, I finally snapped out of it and got dressed.
Made a drink and something to eat and by the time I'd eaten it, I realised I really hadn't been keeping an eye on the time and it was already 8:17am. My bus comes at 8:20. Thankfully, I knew there was another one ten minutes later and I decided I'd get that one.
All this time, the farting still didn't stop and I was in real pain as well in my stomach, not just phantom pains either. I realise this sounds funny though, would to me.
Finished eating, spent God knows how long on the loo, but I managed to get out for 8:30am. I waited at the bus stop but I could feel my stomach turning over and it was really hurting. After just a few minutes of waiting for the bus, I decided not to wait no more and came back home, where I once again proceeded to the toilet for an extended period of time...
Fast forward a little and I got the next bus, arrived at college 10 minutes late, went the toilet again, and walked into class. I apologised to Alan and sat down. I noticed there was only one girl there, as opposed to the 6 Alan said there'd be.
Since today was the first day of college for many, most of the first half was just blah blah blah from all of the tutors. All I wanted to do was to get on with the work. I was ready to do so, but of course, things don't work like that.
We were then told to go have a play with the cameras. These cameras are the kind you see film crew with. The huge, bulky ones. It wasn't doesn't anything productive with them. Basically it was to try and make you get to know the other people but it didn't work too well.
These events aren't in realtime order by the way. I'm not good at remembering...
We also got led around all the rooms we'd be using which was uhh...exciting...or not. We also got introduced to the tutors we'd be having. Alan, Carol, Liz, Will and Gary. Liz has cool pink and blue long hair.
After a small break I went to get a drink and came back, sitting on a stool outside the classroom on my own. Soon after, two guys aged around 16 came and opened the door into the small corridoor where my classroom is. They're also in my class, but I don't know their names yet. At this point, I was quickly losing faith in any hope that I had of this course because it'd been pointless so far.
I put my Starsailor CD on. Poor Misguided Fool. The relevance of it, so very very understood. Looking up to see an exit sign, thinking 'that could so easily be me', underneath a sign saying 'in case of fire'...my life is that fire and I always use the exit instead of sticking at anything because I never seem to get anywhere when I try.
After that we had to go out with the cameras again in groups and basically interview each other. Another way to get to know each other. I went out with three guys and found somewhere quiet to talk. "What's your name?" I asked someone, while one of them was filming and two were sitting opposite me.
"My name's Wesley", he said.
I then asked him a few generic questions and conversation ensued from there. Just normal conversation. Stuff like what music we liked, what films etc, all while being filmed.
The other guys name was Paul and the other guys name is Phillip (I think). Wesley is from Kirkby and hates it just as much as I do. "Kirby is like Kabul. Should be nuked.", ah wise words.
So after having a camera on us for 10 minutes or so we went back the room, got talked to more, then it was lunch, although since I wasn't hungry I roamed about the place and ended up sitting outside the classroom on my own again.
Barbara (my now ex-art tutor) walked by and said hi. She asked me how I was and normal stuff like that. I replied with cheerful comments and looked happy. An act which I do all too often. She then said that I'd passed the art exam and got a C, which I knew nothing of. She said she'd find out how I got the certification. She said bye.
A few minutes later and Anna came by. The usual cheerful act was put on again and she told me the same as Barbara did about my exam result. She told me to come and pick my work up as well. She said bye.
Finally lunch was over and we went back into the room where we watched the videos of us interviewing each other. Ours was last. I DETEST seeing myself on camera. I cringe at it. I hate it a lot. And then I spoke and I felt like being swallowed up by the ground. I didn't realise I sounded so horrible. You could tell just from looking at me that I was the misfit of the group. There's usually a 'token goth' in every class, the one who thinks they're standing out...looks like this time around, I am that one and I honestly don't like being this alone. There is no one who I can relate to.
The next two hours were spent talking more and the tutors go on so damn much. No one cares. They must of said 'any questions' to us all at least 10 times. They also get excited over things that are not that amazing, while we're all sitting there, pen in hand, wanting to work. The class do actually want to do work.
Finally she said we could go and on the way out I met Wesley. He asked me if I was getting the bus home and he was getting the same one as me so we ended up walking together. I feel so small and intimidated though, because he's very well built and 23. He then met one of his friends, another well built guy. He looked like a security guard or a bouncer.
I wanted to carry on to the bus stop, because I wanted to talk to the girl who was in my class. Her name is Chloe. I'd wanted to talk to her all day, simply because I get on better with girls and she seemed nice enough. There was also a girl who came in late called Lauren. Both seemed quiet, which is good.
I felt rude though, walking off on Wesley and his friend (David), even though I really wanted to. Sadly, I didn't and I ended up walking with them to the bus stop. Chance to talk to Chloe missed. However, Lauren was there, but I still didn't feel right edging away from Wes and David. Chance to talk to Lauren missed.
Both Wes and David went upstairs and I followed, even though I didn't want to. As a rule, I NEVER go upstairs on a bus when it's near a college or school because what you can be guaranteed of is VERY loud people and a LOT of smoke, even though it's a no smoking bus.
We sat at the back, facing three 14-15yr old guys. David got a cigarette out, but he had no lighter. He then asked the guys and one of them did. David in return, gave him a cigarette too.
So the back of the bus was now filled with smoke and I felt like choking. I now had a headache. "Why didn't you move then you stupid thing?", I hear you ask. My answer would be because yes, I am a stupid thing.
Then there was the loud mouthed girl who had the most annoying laugh. That made my headache all the worse and then she started smoking too. There was a girl next to her, who looked about 13-14 and to my surprise she also lit up. What the hell do they want to do that for???
FINALLY, my stop was coming up. I said goodbye to Wes and David and got off, only to get very wet, as the rain was coming down fast.
So, today has not been good. I've been bored, I've been lonely, I've been choked by smoke and I have a headache.
And I've got another two years of it all.
5:04pm
