So, after I had that conversation with Claire, I said that I was going, since she wasn't talking to me. I came back online to see a message saying that she wanted me to call her so I was going to a little later on.
She called me, however, at 9:30pm and she "You're such a twat you know?"
"If you think i'm a twat, then think that, but I don't understand why this is such a big issue."
Basically that was the gist conversation for 10 minutes until she had to get off the phone. I said I'd call her back at 10:30pm.
When I did call her back, it was mostly silence between us. When the conversation did get going she expressed her hurt to me and said she didn't trust me as much as she did. In the end, she got angry, sigh, and hung up on me.
I decided not to call her back. Instead, I went online. I told Kate about this and Kate said that Claire was within her right to be angry. After having a conversation with Kate about it, I thought that perhaps I had done wrong and I was willing to accept that.
45 minutes later, Claire rang me back. I said I'd been talking to Kate and Kate had made me realise that perhaps I had done something wrong, but what I would not apologise for is for hugging Natalie, since at the time I needed a hug so much. I accepted the fact that I broke a promise, but it was a promise that (to me) was ok to break, because the need for a hug outweighed that of a promise not to do it.
I said goodbye to Claire, saying I was sorry and that I loved her. She didn't say she loved me back. Fair enough.
I then talked to Sophy about this and her reaction was "God that's pathetic", which then made me think that I hadn't done wrong, since I now had one person who was on my side (I hate to use that expression; "side", but it's easier like that) and one who was on Claire's. I was back where I was.
So to summarise, Claire currently is angry at me. She doesn't trust me. She is now unsure as to whether she wants to see me next week.
I, on the other hand am angry too. I am angry because to me this isn't a big deal. To me, I broke a promise, for which I am sorry. I hurt Claire because of this and again, I am sorry for this. What I'm not sorry for though is the fact that I did hug Natalie in bed because at the time, as I said, I needed a hug. Where the hug takes place isn't of concern to me.
I'm also frustrated, because although I have understood Claire's anger at me, I feel as if though she hasn't understood my position on this.
Sadness is another thing that comes to me. Sadness because of the fact that I have hurt her unintentionally. I don't ever set out hurt someone, yet she doesn't even believe this. She is questioning everything I say which makes me sad because she now doesn't take me at my word.
Confusion is also present. I'm confused because she has also hurt me by simply not knowing how much she loves me and considered leaving me for Stuart. She also says that she still does have feelings for him which hurts me, but I choose to understand that and accept it. Surely that is a bigger problem than a hug?
I took offense to the fact that she called me both a 'twat' in her diary and also put me in the same group as 'all men are the same', which I know I do not fit into. No one is the same as everyone else, and I refuse to be labled as 'all men'. That offended me the most.
Every relationship has it's troubles, including this one. However, giving my best friend a hug is not something that should be argued about. It's just not amounting to anything.
To me, deciding on who you love more is much more serious. Hugging someone is a non-issue.
6:51pm
