I couldn't stop fiddling yesterday. I was talking to Jenny about meeting Claire, and at the same time, my feet kept moving, and I couldn't stop twiddling a pen in my fingers. She noticed it and laughed "God, Neil, calm down you've still got two days yet!".
I had a really nice talk with Jenny on the way to the bus stop. As we were walking up, I watched as I missed my bus. I wasn't that bothered though. I could always get another one. Me and Jenny aren't exactly 'close' friends, but I do think we're becoming it especially because of yesterday when we talked all the way up to the bus stops.
We were talking first about how I was very very nervous about Sunday, and the fact that I can't get over the fact that someone as good looking as Claire likes me. She was saying how I shouldn't be nervous, and that I am a good looking guy and that I've got nothing to be worried about. It didn't make me feel better, but the fact that she's trying to make me feel better means a lot to me.
She was saying how she used to be really quiet. "I wouldn't say boo to a goose", I found that amusing hehe. Then she said that one day a girl asked her to go on a bike ride with her and she was really surprised that someone had asked her to do that with them, but she went and had a really nice time. Then she got to know the girl's other friends and she became much less shy and now she is bubbly and happy.
She said that she lives with her Dad. Her mum lives in Devon, and she doesn't like her much. She says that her parents use her to tell her things about the other parents, and she is trapped in the middle. She said that she loves her Dad, though.
She said that she likes making people happy. She likes seeing them smile. That she looks forward to Monday to see me because she knows that she can make me smile, which she can.
I was saying to her that this friendship thing is new to me. I've never had it before. It's still going to take me a while, before I open up to people more. I'm still mostly inside my shell, and don't really come out of it. She said that she's gonna make me come out of it, and that, I welcome.
She asked me have I always been sad and I said yes. She asked me what is it because of and I really dont know. I said it was a combination of things around me and how I felt inside as well.
My bus came and I gave her a hug and she told me to tell her about how Sunday goes on Monday. I said bye to her and caught my bus.
I talked to Claire on the phone on Thursday and she had SUCH a lovely voice. I talked to her for an hour, which I didn't think I could do. I was very nervous about talking to her on the phone, but she was nervous about talking to me as well, so it kind of balanced out. I loved talking to her. I could of talked to her for longer. I can't wait to see her on Sunday. To see her smile and come over and hug me.
Claire is like my late Christmas present I think :). Infact, she's the best gift I've had in a very very very long time.
I'm worried that she won't like me in person. I'm hoping she will, but still, would I be Neil if I didn't worry? She worries that I won't like her in person, but I really doubt that, since i'm (usually) a good judge of character and in my mind, she's gonna be someone who I will really really like.
We're gonna go the pictures to see Rat Race. Looks like an interesting movie. Lots of good actors in it. I could go anywhere with her and I wouldn't care, so long as she was with me.
Tomorrow is hopefully gonna be one of the best days in quite a long time. I hope she will think so too :).
I'm waiting for her to come online on MSN right now and it's so strange to miss someone you've not even met. She left me a note on MSN, saying she misses me and it felt really nice. It felt like I actually cared about someone and for once they cared about me just as much. It is truly a lovely feeling and I hope it lasts a long time with her.
*mwah*
1:42pm
