She rang my mum this morning, asking why I wasn't in college and so my mum woke me up and asked me why. I just said I didn't feel like. When I woke up at 7am this morning, I felt horrible. I needed to go back to sleep. To be something other than concious. If I would of gone to college today, I know for sure that I would of felt severly depressed by the end of the day and I'm not putting myself through that.
On a good note, she also told my mum about that STILL LIFE painting i'm doing, and my mum said she said she is really made up with how well it's coming on. She asked if I'd come in in the afternoon and finish it off, but of course, I never, and I think because I never, I'm gonna get spoken to about it. As I said, I hope she goes easy on me.
One thing I do have on my side is the fact that I'm easily tolerable. What I mean is, I don't cause havoc in class. I don't shout. I don't mess around. I sit quietly and get on with my work, whereas the rest of the class hardly do any. Out of the 15 or so people in there, only around 3 actually do the amount of work I do. The rest mess around more. Hopefully this will be taken into account if Anna does speak to me.
One thing I think is unfair, however, is the double standards that are in a classroom like that. I mean for example, if I started shouting and messing about, Anna would no doubtedly (and quite rightly so) tell me to get my coat and go home. If one of the others does it though, they just get a brief telling off and of course, they'll continue to do it once she's gone away.
Anna and Barbara know that i'm not like all of them. They know i'm intelligent. They treat me with respect, and I treat them with the respect they deserve. One example of this was on Thursday. I needed to buy a rubbr from the shop, and asked Barbara to open it up for me. She said could I go and ask someone in the staff room because she 'couldn't leave this lot on their own', referring to the rest of the class. That's how bad it can get sometimes. She has to stay in the class, otherwise they'll just mess about.
I suppose it's a good thing that they have higher standards of me. It means that they think higher of me. At the same time though, it means if I do something that's below my usual standards, but normal for the rest of the class, I'll get a harder time for it than they will. This is what I don't like about double standards, yet I can't do nothing about it.
I am definitly going in college tomorrow. I quite enjoy painting that still life painting. I like mixing the right colours more than anything. Have you any idea how hard it is to get correct colours? It's like a mini brainteaser.
I also have English in the morning. Boring. English is very boring. It'd be ok if we were learning something a bit more advanced, but since i'm in the lower group, (because I started late, not because i'm dumb!) we're learning basic stuff, which is VERY tedious. Thank God it's only till lunchtime.
Here's a hug for YOU. Maybe I can give you a real one some day :).
12:44am
