So I went asleep at 5:30am, because I was a bit frustrated at myself getting up at like 6pm in the day, and decided I wanted to be awake for a change.
I woke up at 11:30am this morning, but tryed to go back asleep. My body wouldn't let me though, so eventually I got up.
It's now 5:50pm and I've done exactly NOTHING all day. I now regret getting up so early, because I haven't benefitted from it.
My mum moans at me over and over again that I should get up earlier than I do, so, I did, yet what good has it done? All that's happened is that i'm even more bored than I am usually. Almost 6 hours of doing absolutley nothing. I mean, I didn't even feel like going on the computer because there was no one on (which Laura reveled in, because it meant she could go on it). I've mostly been sitting/laying on my bed watching (rubbish) TV. Oh such a great reason to get up early.
A conversation me and my mum had earlier on:
Me: "See, i'm up in the day and what am I supposed to do?"
Mum: "I dunno."
Me: "You always say to me that I should get up earlier, so I have. Now what?"
Mum: "I dunno. It's just not normal to sleep all day."
Me: "If I had something to get up for, something to do, somewhere to go, then I'd get up, but I haven't so I might as well stay in bed."
Mum: "Like what?"
Me: "I don't know."
Mum: "I got up because I woke up, but all I'll do is sit here all day. It's just normal."
Me: "But that's nothing. Your day is nothing."
Mum: "You don't understand because you think differently."
Me: "No, I just don't get why I need to get up if I have nothing to get up for."
Mum: "..."
Basically that was most of the conversation. Don't you see though? To me, getting up in the morning is pointless if I have nothing to actually do in the day! I can't just sit about and do nothing for 10-12 hours. That'd be too much for me to handle and I'd feel worse than I already do. I'd much rather get up around 7pm. That way, not only are people usually online from that time, but also I just find it a lot better. It's nightime for one. Which is always better. My mum just can't understand this. To me, her way is pointless. It doesn't achieve anything. Whereas my way of sleeping all day achieves not being bored and thinking thoughts I shouldn't. I think this way is like a survival method for me that I've adapted over the years in order to prevent me from completley losing it altogether. So far, it's working.
And she wants me to give that up? Well, I think you can understand why i'm reluctant to. No?
So, I think I'll go back to my normal ways of sleeping in the day again now that I've tried day life. It's not for me.
Having said that though, I have to be awake tomorrow in the day because i'm seeing Sasha at YPAS, for my self confidence course thingy. I like going there. I appreciate it so much that there is somewhere like that that young people can go if they're in my posistion.
The self confidence course, I'm enjoying so far (enjoying is the wrong word, but I can't think of the word I want). Although I've only really had one session with Sasha, it was good. It was trying to analyse how I felt and how I cope in certain situations. I really think she'll help me. I'm trying to really help myself as well regarding this.
Daytime is so boring.
6:09pm
