My mum had another go at me today. She was saying how I was inconsiderate and I "don't give a shit about no one". Although this was all very pointless to me, since she was once again raising her voice to me, I decided to try and talk to her about it, but unfortunatly, it did no good, since I think she likes hearing the sound of her own voice, no matter what I say.

Everything I said was shouted over by her. It's useless trying to talk to her if she acts like this.

"Sometimes I think if I dropped dead right now, you wouldn't care" - Mother.

Thing is...she's probably right. I just don't know how to feel emotion with people I know. It's not that I don't want to, on the contrary, I'd love to. I just don't know how to. Yet I get persecuted for this.

If I truly am inconsiderate and uncaring then it's not because i'm doing it on purpose and I think my mum thinks I am. I try to make her understand that it's not intentional, but she doesn't listen.

She says that that Saturday when she shouted at me then, and then I proceeded to ignore her for a week, I was "out of order". I told her I thought she was out of order on the Saturday, but of course she didn't agree. She'll disagree on everything I approach her with. She likes to get her own way.

Thankfully, I was feeling quite ok today and so it only made a dent in how I feel, instead of a hole.

I went to YPAS and I was glad that I had somewhere to go to get out of the house and away from my mum.

I had my appointment with Sasha and we discussed how assertive/passive/aggressive I am. I had to answer 12 multiple choices questions.

My results were:

8 Assertive

3 Passive

1 Aggressive

I was happy with that.

At the end of the session, Sasha explained to me that a few people were going on something called a "Residential". They are going to Wales next Friday for the weekend where they'll stay in a cabin and go horseriding and caving etc. It sounds like something I'd love to do, but what I am hesitant about is the actual meeting of people. How do I introduce myself and stuff like that. Also, I don't like the thought of not being able to come back even if I wanted to, since (depending on what part) Wales is at least an hours drive from Liverpool.

Sasha said most of the people going are girls and I was glad about that, because I find it a lot easier to communicate with girls than I do with guys. I always feel intimidated with guys, but with girls it's more of an understanding.

They are having a meeting next Tuesday or Wednesday where I can meet whoever is going beforehand which i'm also glad of.

So next weekend might be eventful. That's if I decide to go...

11:57pm