It was too tempting not to. I couldn't help it. I haven't made any new injuries as such, but rather open the ones I already have - made them bleed a little. I've made a long red line on my left arm, but it's not bloody or anything like that, I've been scratching at it but not as much as it needs to bleed.
Right now i'm sitting here, wondering. Wondering about me and who I am, what I am and what I'll become. Really, I can't see a lot for myself in the future. I really can't. I don't want to die, yet I don't know how to live. I've never known.
I'm wondering about where I'll end up in life - In a well paid job? Or in some hospital? Obviously I dislike the second option.
I'm wondering about who I'll end up with in life, whether it be in the form of friends and/or a partner.
Friends...hmm. I've never really had one of those 'good friend' type people. You know what I mean? Someone who you can talk to about anything, do stuff with, phone them up and go out or something. I've never had that. I don't know what that's like. What I am appreciative about, however is that fact that I have that next best thing to what I've described up there and that's having Natalie to talk to. As I have said, so far as i'm concerned she's my best friend. It's just a pity there's 250 miles seperating our friendship.
Relationships. This one I find very hard to deal with. I can't get my head round this one really. In my mind I think that I will be lonely all my life. No one will ever want me to want them. I think I am nothing. Worthless. I really can't see anyone wanting a worthless nothing. I welcome the day when someone does.
12:54am
