Not gonna explain what though. That little explanation will have to do.
My mum was talking to me last night, about my arms. She was saying about what Laura's friends might think of them and what to say to them. I told my mum that Laura should just tell them the truth.
My mum told Laura a few day ago that I self harm. She said Laura was almost in tears, asking why I do it. I felt bad for that. So, although I haven't said anything to Laura, she now knows what all the things are on my arms, which is better than having her ask me, because I'd find it hard to tell her the truth.
Last night two of Laura's friends stayed over. They haven't been round while my arms have been like this. As I said, my mum asked me what does Laura tell her mates if they ased about my arms and I just said tell them the truth and she said Laura had already. So now everyone that needs to know is informed for example my Nan knows, my Auntie knows...even my mum's friends where she goes to on a Saturday night know and they all wanna help and I wish they could! I wonder what they think of it, though.
My mum is having a hard time dealing with it too. I feel terrible for making her worry about me like this. She says she sees my arms in her mind, even when she's not looking at them. Says that when I hurt me, I hurt her as well. I feel so bad for that.
Back to my first paragraph; Something you want but can't have. It's truly horrible to know that it's there and you want it so much, but can't have it. Maybe in time? I can only hope. Even then, though, as much as I want it, it doesn't seem likely. Or maybe i'm just being pessimistic. It does work though, being pessimistic on life, because then you're not as hurt when whatever doesn't work out. I wish it would for once though. That's why in this case, i'm shedding a little bit of optimism on it, if only for something to hope for. I'm a patient person. I'd wait a long time for this. At what point though, does waiting become futile?
Hmm.
5:21pm
