I woke up this morning at 9am, and gradually over a few hours, my feelings have turned from down, to resorting to SI.

So, now I have 6 lines on my arm, red, bloody, not sore now though, but only after an hour of them stinging.

Why do it? Hmm. Does it make me feel better? There's an interesting question. One one level I guess it does make me feel better, in the fact that I have control. When my mind is losing stability, my hand and arm, are not, and, so therefore, I do it for stability? Hmm. Maybe. I don't like psychoanalysing myself. Then again, sometimes I do. Then I find the answer, but I'm still left with questions to answers. Wow, I think I just confused myself.

I've said this before, but, I hope this doesn't become a regular occurance. So far it hasn't become regular, but it has become more frequent. I mean I've SI'ed 3 or 4 times now. Nothing as bad as what I done this morning, though.

Now I have to figure out a way how to either a) hide it completely from my mum b) say they're cat scratches or c) tell her the truth.

C is looking like a no-no.

B is looking like a plausable excuse (cats only have 4 claws, I have 6 scratches, but like my mum will be observant...)

A is looking like the option inbetween C & B.

Hmm. I wonder what'd happen if I just walked downstairs now? Think she'd say anything to me about them? Or do you think she'd just assume it was the cat?

Let's see shall we...?

I'll get back to you in a few minutes.

4:13pm

5:13pm

Well, I went downstairs...mum never said a thing. I don't think she even seen it!