As you can see from the time, I'm up at night, yet again. What most people don't seem to understand though is I like the night. It's nice. Less 'populated'. What I don't like though is that no one is online. I can't exactly blame them all I know lol. I'm the one whose weird not them. But still, even the person I use to talk to all night goes to bed early now, and I miss our all night talks, quite a lot actually. However, having said this, going to bed earlier than like 6am has to good for them? And if it's good for them then i'm happy for them.
*sigh* I still feel totally alone. I mean to the point where loneliness overcomes life and life doesn't seem worth living no more. "Why are you still here then?" I hear you all ask. "I don't know" is my answer. Would anyone (outside my family I'm talking about) care if I wasn't here? No, not really. Well, actually I think one person would. It's weird how much I care for her, and we've grown an incredibly strong friendship over just a few months.
Speaking of strong friendships, I was talking to someone tonight (this is why I hate diaries sometimes, people actually might read them, and sometimes you want them to but only parts) and they said about how they'd be leaving for Uni in just a years time. A year! That isn't very far at all. And, although they don't believe me I will really miss them so much. Like you wouldn't know. I really like talking to them and when there not there to talk to it's bad enough, if they're not there at all it's gonna be hell! They just mean a lot to me, and even if they don't believe me, I have to keep trying to make them believe because well, I just want my feelings for them acknowledged, and maybe not disregarded? Maybe one day...
I had 3 chat windows open tonite, each with someone I care for like no other. These 3 people are just very special to me and I care a lot for them. They've all helped me like they'll never know and although I haven't mentioned any names, I hope they know who they are. Thankyou lots for just being there and listening as talking as well as you do. Without you my life would be truly duller.
5:26am
