A few months ago one of my best friends, Lisa, who I've known online since October 2002 was diagnosed with cancer. Today, she told me the doctors had said there was nothing they could do for her. She says she has but months left.

I can't accept this. I can't take it in. I refuse to believe that I will no longer have Lisa as a friend in a years time. She is supposed to live a long, happy life with her boyfriend and do all the things someone like her is supposed to do with a happy life. She is not supposed to die at 16 for fuck's sake. No.

Though I've never met Lisa, I feel close to her. Her and Hana are my two close friends. I don't want to lose her. I shouldn't have to lose her. She doesn't deserve to die like this.

I don't know how I feel right now. I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. I just feel...numb. Confused. Things like this are only supposed to happen in movies. Your friends dying on you is not supposed to ever happen in real life. It shouldn't.

She was just getting her life sorted and beginning to have a happy life. Why should this be taken away from her? It fucking shouldn't be. Something has to change this, somehow, surely. Maybe the doctors will find a medicine to ease it or cure it. I just cannot accept that I will lose one of my close friends. No.

No.