It was awful.
I went to bed last night at 7am, and then had to get up again at 9:45am. My appointment for the examination was 10:45am and John was late.
We ended up getting there about 10 minutes late and while John went to find a place to park, I went in on my own to find the place.
I asked the security guard where it was I was supposed to go and he said 1st floor so up I went.
Went into the reception and gave the women the appointment paper and she just said take a seat. I ended up having to wait almost 30 minutes for something that I should of only had to wait less than 10 for. I don't mind waiting that much, but when i'm on my own, it makes me very panicy. I was hoping that John would find his way up to the 1st floor and keep me company. It wouldn't of helped much, but it would of been a bit more reassuring.
I heard a chime at about 11:20am and wondered what it was. The receptionist called through to the doctor and said "Doctor, it's started". I was wondering what she meant. A woman came into the reception area and started talking to another woman who was already in there. The women who was already in there told the woman that she wasn't supposed to talk because there was a 3 minutes of silence taking place. No one tells me, though.
The doctor finally calls my name and I follow him through to a fairly big room. It had a desk in and one of those doctor's beds. He told me to sit down at the desk and he started asking me questions about me. "You have depression, yes?" he said and I answered yes. He then continued to ask me a number of questions. Do you watch TV? Can you answer the phone? What are your hobbies? Do you get panic attacks (I was having a small one right then!)? Do you go out? Etc etc.
He then asked me to take off my jacket and go and sit on the bed, while he took my blood pressure. I was extremely concious of the fact that underneath my jacket I only had a t-shirt on which clearly showed the cuts on my arms. I took my jacket off and sat on the bed. He came over and took the blood pressure device off it's hook and came over to me. He look at my arms. "What is this?" he sounded very confused. I felt like saying to him "Well what the hell do you think it is!". "I self harm" I said to him. He continued to look at my arms for what seemed forever. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable. "Do you cut anywhere else?" he asked. "I have a few on my legs" I replied. "Can you show me please?". "There's only a few". "Just pull your trousers down". How fucking uncomfortable is he trying to make me!!! Reluctantly I did and showed him the cuts at the top of my leg. He looked at them for a few seconds and then told me to pull my trousers up again. He then proceeded to take my blood pressure, which was no doubt racing, the way I was feeling at that moment.
Once he'd done that he said that was it. I was in that room for less than 15 minutes. I thought it was going to be at least 30. Not that i'm complaining of course, I just thought that it would be more indepth than that. I asked him what happend now and he said that the info he'd written would be sent away and I should here from the DSS.
And that was it.
Now, if John hadn't of been available to take me, it would of taken me at least 30 minutes to get there and 30 minutes to get back. That's providing I even knew where the place was...which I didn't. I just think that it was a waste of time for what he did/asked. All it done was make me feel panicy and very uncomfortable. How nice is that?
John brought me home and apparantly next week we're going canoeing (is that how you spell it?). Aside from that, I have an appointment, no, make that, two appointments on Monday at YPAS. I lead such an exciting life don't I?
Urgh.
I need a way how to get more money than the �63.30/Fortnight i'm on on now. I need a job. Or I need to go back to College. I've been thinking about going the job centre and looking for maybe a part time job. I dunno, maybe it'd be a good idea. It's get me out the house and it'd make me some money as well. Trouble is, i'm afraid that I won't be able to do it and I'll panic and probably be fired or just quit. And then next time a job opens up for me, I'll turn it down because of what happened the first time.
Sucks to be me.
12:43pm
