Last night I felt really horrible. Moreso than usual. Pondering on everything. Things that I'd like to be different, but don't know how to change.
I wish I could stop thinking sometimes. Sleep is the only way to achieve this. This is why I have spent all day in bed. I didn't want to be concious. I didn't want to think. Thinking makes me feel horrible. I can never think positive thoughts.
I missed the meeting with Ken because I was too tired to go. My mum went instead because she wanted to talk to him. I'm gonna go downstairs in a minute, ask her what was said.
I found a way to make bigger cuts on my arm. Bad thing, yes, I know. I only think it's a bad thing partially, though. I can't stretch my arm out fully without it hurting now.
I want to stop everything. Self injuring. Feeling. Thinking.
Living?..
No. I want to live.
I want to live better than how I am living at the moment. There doesn't seem to be a way out though. This makes me think more. Thinking hurts. Mentally and psychically.
I need to be held.
9:09pm
