Disappointment. Hurt. Jealousy. Simply lost.
Lost? How can I be lost if I don't know where i'm supposed to be?
I am lonely. And no matter what anyone says, LOVE WOULD CHANGE THIS.
Lonely.
It gets to me like you will never know. None of you know. I swear, none of you know.
The more I sit in this fucking room, the more I die. I don't want to die here. Inside myself. This is not how my life is meant to be. It's not.
I feel as if there is something wrong with me. Something wrong enough to repel people away from me. Perhaps I give off bad vibes. How so though, when all I ever want is the company that they can offer. Why does no one wish to give me it?
Go back a few months. Take Lauren for example. I tried and tried to make friends with Lauren. I made the effort to do so. I tried to initiate conversation, I sat next to her, I asked her things but she never, never, warmed to me. I could see it in the way she talked and acted. She was uncomfortable around me.
Why? What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I want to do is be loved. To feel loved. Right now I do not.
Right now, I want to shed my tears. I can't. The tears never come.
My first awake day? PRETTY FUCKING BAD.
9:37pm